Black and White
by crackberries
Summary: Because sometimes, that's all life really is.


**AN: **I tried this thing where I put my playlist on shuffle, then the first song that came up, I put on repeat for exactly an hour and wrote a fic. This is what came out. No editing or re-reading on my part, just what came to mind, start to finish.

I listened to Roadside by Rise Against while writing this, and you should totally give the song a listen...unless you hate Rise Against lol :P idk

**Time Started:** 5:45 p.m

**Time Finished:** 6:45 p.m

**Stuff: **AU, AmCan with hints of FrUK and another pairing.

REVIEWS ARE REALLY APPRECIATED ~

oh ya and I need some genre help again. I don't know if this is angsty enough for angst.

* * *

An eight year relationship is hard to break up, especially when said relationship had been preceded by a ten year friendship.

But when friends become lovers, that's what happens. What was unbreakable becomes a fragile bond that can be destroyed with the wrong words, wrong choices, wrong actions. And falling back into the friendship would be infinitely harder than falling back in love.

Matthew did not want Alfred to know that, however. Because his boyfriend (_ex-boyfriend, _his mind corrected as he finished taping the last cardboard box shut) was extremely optimistic in life, believing that everything would always work out. That was one of the main reasons Matthew was pessimistic about their friendship surviving. He knew that within a month or so, Alfred would start trying to push their friendship again into something more, irregardless of what he had done before. Alfred would want to revive the relationship, purely for the fact that it was the one of the pillars that stood firm in their chaotic lives.

Love had stopped playing a part in this.

He knew Alfred well, and he knew that Alfred didn't really count this as a break-up. Just an "extended separation."And then Matthew, who was more realistic, would have to push Alfred away, and eventually cut him off. For the sake of his own sanity.

Along with the decision to part ways, they had also decided that they would _both _move out of the apartment. They had shared it for the past five years, and it would be too painful for either of them to stay in the apartment, much less the neighbourhood.

He sighed, as he carried the box into the living room of their (soon to be old) one bedroom apartment. He dropped it onto the floor, beside the two other boxes labeled 'Matthew'. Across the room was a significantly larger pile of boxes, labeled 'Alfred'. Matthew wanted to leave behind all the things that reminded him that he and Alfred had actually been in a relationship. Whatever he left behind, Alfred had decided to pack into his own box.

He shivered slightly, as the cool October air mixed with the sweet scent of cigarettes circulated throughout the now-bare living room. Alfred was out on the balcony, in an unsurprisingly odd combination of boxers, no shirt, and his favourite bomber jacket.

Matthew decided that the least he could do with his (now ex) boyfriend was join him for one last smoke. Zipping up his red hoodie, which had been a gift from Alfred when they went to Niagra Falls for Matthew's birthday, he stepped through the open balcony door. Alfred was leaning against the railing, looking down at the misty ground ten stories beneath them.

"Hey, Al? Got a spare?" He asked, his voice quiet as ever as he took a seat on one of the two ratty green lawn chairs they kept on the balcony.

"Yeah, here." Alfred replied, giving only a glance over his shoulder, as he tossed the almost-empty carton and a lighter to Matthew. As Matthew took out a cigarette and lit up, he went back to looking at the morning mist.

"Nice weather we're having, eh?" Matthew said, as he exhaled and watched as the smoke drifted apart. Alfred gave a short laugh, and nothing more. Matthew tapped the cigarette onto the overflowing ashtray, and they both fell into a silence. It was when Matthew was on his second cigarette and the silence had become almost palpable, that Alfred decided to speak.

"So where are you moving?" Alfred asked, not turning around.

"I'm staying with Francis for some time until I find a place. What about you?"

"Oh." Alfred gave a slight chuckle. "I was going to crash with Arthur, but I suppose that's not going to work out now."

Matthew gave a small smile. Of course, they would turn to the same close friends when they were in need. And of course, those friends would be both in a relationship and living together. It was just how life worked.

"I guess I'll stay with Kiku for a bit then." Alfred shrugged, and Matthew's smile slightly faltered.

"I see." He replied coolly, pretending that the other man's name didn't made his heart slightly drop.

In addition to being optimistic, Alfred had always also really been bad at keeping secrets. What had hurt Matthew the most was how well Alfred had kept _that _secret, and how Alfred had done a shitty job of covering up when Matthew found out.

"Yeah...if you don't mind." Alfred sounded almost nervous while speaking, and Matthew sighed.

"Why would I, eh?"

He could see Alfred slightly cringe at those words, and he couldn't blame him.

_Good._

Those words were supposed to have that much bite. Verbal revenge was what he was best at, even if that was only as far as he ever went. Plus, verbal revenge was also the most effective. Sticks and stones and all that stuff.

More silence followed, before Alfred posed another question, one that had been asked multiple times within the past few days.

"Do you think this is the right thing to do?"

Matthew found himself wishing that Alfred would turn around to look at him. It was harder to answer such a question when the one who asked it didn't even bother facing him. Even though the question had been answered as many times as it had been asked.

"There's nothing else we can do." His reply was simple, blunt, and honest. Yes, he was quiet, but he never lied. "I don't think there's anything we would want to do anyways. We've started to move on already."

In reality, it was really only Alfred that had moved on. Matthew, while being the one who first accepted that their relationship had disintegrated, was at a standstill, not knowing which way to go. Alfred, on the other hand, had already started, two years before they had decided to split. In fact, that was the main reason that they had split up. And it was also the reason that Matthew had stopped going to the coffee shop near their house, where a demure Japanese man worked as the manager.

"I hope you know I'm sorry."

Matthew knew Alfred was sorry. Matthew knew very well, because Alfred had cut off most ties with Kiku almost immediately after Matthew had found out.

"I know, Alfred. I know."

Or so Alfred had said. Evidently not, since he was planning to stay with Kiku. Even if only temporarily. Matthew couldn't blame him; the two had a tryst that lasted two years.

_Maybe this _is_ for good, _Matthew thought bitterly. For all his pessimism on their friendship surviving, he still wanted to hold on to the slight sliver of hope that Alfred might come running back to him. Even if he wouldn't take him back, there were ugly emotions that still needed to be sated.

And then maybe that feeling of being second-best to another man that he himself had barely ever talked to, would disappear. Disappear, quite like his love for Alfred had.

Finally, Alfred had turned around. Matthew's ever optimistic ex-boyfriend's cheeks were stained, but his expression otherwise was calm.

"Matt, it's not black and white. We can still be friends. We shouldn't let this ruin our...our..." Alfred trailed off, hoping that Matthew could fill in the blanks.

Matthew, for his part, just closed his eyes and leaned back into the worn out chair. He mulled over his thoughts in his head as he lit another cigarette. As smoke billowed out of his mouth, he replied in that ever-so-soft voice of his.

"We'll see."

* * *

I actually _like _this pairing. Why must I subject them to this?

this might seem slightly short, but it was only in one hour and I was bouncing between this fic and msn :P


End file.
